A bar of chocolate

 

I spent the whole of last week in Allandale Correctional Centre in Paarl and it was wonderful. It was my first Restorative Justice (RJ) course of 2022, the first one inside since 2019. So much happened, the understanding of so many incarcerated men was expanded, outlooks were changed and the lives of many started tentatively along a different path.

We expect God to do great things but we don’t take it for granted: the Lord is always more ready to help us than we are to receive. One of the participants this week had previously completed an RJ, been released but then reoffended. He was asked what happened and why he’d wanted to go through RJ again. He admitted that the first time all that was said had gone in one ear and out of the other, he’d still been lying to himself and others. This time he was listening and on the Family Reconciliation Day later that week he told his family that he wasn’t going to look for parole but would serve out his sentence, staying incarcerated so that he could learn more.

 The RJ team from Hope Prison Ministry spend 30 hours from Monday to Friday helping the men face up to themselves, what they did and how they can change their lives to become the men they have the potential to be.

 The criminal mindset is particularly self-centred; the human mind in general is prone to make up its own narrative and believe it. RJ participants are encouraged to face the truth, especially about the harm their actions cause to victims. So many men say, “I never thought so many people were affected by my crime. I never thought victims were hurt so much and for so long.” As few are actually hardened psychopaths, this realisation hits them hard and that’s one of the things we want to do – change thinking patterns in a way that’s respectful yet challenging. There is no wriggle room, no excuses. It wasn’t the alcohol or the drugs that caused the rape or murder, it was selfishness, desire for power, greed – call a spade a spade and there’s more hope for change.

The week culminated in the Family Reconciliation Day on Saturday. It’s restorative justice, not punitive, and the first stage of restoration is the family relationship. Each man is encouraged to invite three family members or close friends who have been affected by his criminal behaviour. They are then given the opportunity to confront him openly with questions and how his behaviour made them feel. All of the men are pretty nervous about this but when the time comes, all of them answer honestly.

What comes across most strongly is not condemnation. There is anger and hurt and sorrow but overwhelmingly there is love. Grandmothers left to bring up the children and support the incarcerated man with their meagre pension; wives who have to be mother and father to children, often with very little income; parents who wonder what they did wrong; sons and daughters who cry out why did you leave me? – all express their love, their desire that the man turn around and change, the welcome that’ll be awaiting him when he comes home. It shakes the men up.

As do the most common questions: Are you guilty? What did you do? How long is your sentence?

One of the lessons we do during the week (on Wednesday) is about four core values to live by: Trust, Respect, Integrity, Honesty. As part of this, four men who feel they’re not trusted are asked to go to the front. There they are entrusted with a bar of chocolate, signed by the main facilitator, and asked to keep it to be returned on Saturday.

 A bar of Cadbury’s chocolate in prison is a rare and valuable item. There’s a lot of pressure to sell or eat it. Two of the men were so conscious of this and so lacking in trust of themselves that they pleaded to be allowed to give the chocolate back straightaway. They were told to keep it.

 I was mentor/facilitator to five men around my table last week, from three different correctional centres, different backgrounds, different crimes. They gelled amazingly quickly; we became a family. One of the men who’d been desperate to give back the chocolate came from our table. It was so encouraging to see how the other men supported him and promised to help him resist the temptation to eat it. As one said, “It’s the table’s chocolate, we will help you.”

 I hadn’t experienced this in any previous RJs so I wanted to show appreciation for what they were doing by buying each man a chocolate bar to be given when the trust was fulfilled. Quite rightly, Jonathan Clayton, lead facilitator and Hope Prison Ministry co-founder, said that, for men who had already experienced much unfairness in life, singling out one table wasn’t ideal in an RJ process so, with the help of supporters in Scotland, I went out and bought 35 bars of chocolate. Another lesson – the trustworthiness of one man, supported by good friends, can benefit the community at large.

On Saturday all four original bars of chocolate were returned intact, despite pressure from some other participants to “share the chocolate with me and you’ll be as wise as Pastor Clayton”!

Being trusted with little is the first step to being trusted with larger things. Faces lit up as the unexpected gift of chocolate for everyone was distributed just before the heavy business of facing the loved ones with honesty.

What happened next brought tears to my eyes. Chocolate is like gold inside prison, and a rare treat to families with little outside. After seeing the pain they’d caused their loved ones and realising the fault lay with their lifestyles, choices and bad behaviour, many of the men gave their bar of chocolate to their wife, mother or daughter – a token of love and remorse in earnest of the desire to change. A small gesture but huge.

Sometimes a bar of chocolate is so much more. 

Living as a follower of Jesus

Deciding to follow Jesus is a universe-shaking move. It changes the course of eternity. It changes your life, both in this world and the next. It should change the lives of those who come into contact with you as the Holy Spirit renews your mind and creates a new heart within you; as Jesus increases in you and his love and compassion shine through to affect the way you interact with the rest of the world. 

Sadly, our nearest and dearest don’t always see any change. Yes, your eternal destiny is with God as soon as you commit yourself to Jesus as your Lord and Saviour but the way you live your life is sometimes pretty much the same as before. 

It would be so much easier if people were made perfect as soon as they started to follow Jesus. However, you just have to look at any Christian you know (or at yourself) to realise that this doesn’t happen. We have a lifetime of learning and following Jesus ahead of us and sometimes it feels as if one temptation or bad habit is only just conquered for another to rear its ugly head.

“He must increase but I must decrease,” said John the Baptist (John 3:30). As followers of Jesus, that should be our aim too. Our old, sinful, selfish, rebellious selves must decrease until what people see in us, our lives and attitudes, is a clear reflection of Jesus. 

 Nobody achieves perfection this side of heaven but with God’s help we can get closer until one day we look back at the people we used to be and can’t recognise ourselves.

That’s easier said than done, especially as many congregations concentrate less on discipling individuals to be like Jesus in all aspects of life and more on numbers, money or a superficial image.

Jesus calls us deeper.

It doesn’t matter what you look like, what clothes you wear, what education you’ve had or job you do. It doesn't even matter if you can sing in tune. He wants you. Yourself.

He’ll gladly accept the person you are and transform you, if you allow him, into the person you were born to be.

How many of us feel that we’re not who we were meant to be?

We get by. We might even be successful, at the top of our field, renowned or earning lots of money. We could be dissatisfied, thinking, “I could do much more than this” but we don’t know how to bridge the gap between how we want others to see us, the person we know we are and who we suspect we’re meant to be.

God knows who and what each of us is meant to be.

We fill the gap with things that decay – money, power, food, lust, drugs, busyness – anything that anaesthetises and stops us having to think. Yet, at those times in the night when our minds are free, we know that we’re hiding from the big questions.

Who am I?

Why am I where I am?

How do I make my life worthwhile?

What happens after death?

Even if you don’t think about these things now, at some point these questions are going to crash into your consciousness, hopefully before it’s too late for your answers to make a difference.

Jesus is the answer to the big questions of life.

He won’t force you to acknowledge that, but every living soul should be aware that their answer to the questions, “Who is Jesus? Who am I?” will determine what happens to them after death and how they live.

 Jesus stands at the door and knocks. He doesn’t break it down. He will respect the decision you make during your life as to whether he is Lord or not, but it’s a decision that everyone has to make and it has life-changing consequences.

How can you tell if someone has acknowledged Jesus as Lord? How should your life be lived under his Lordship. It means nothing to say that you belong to someone as Lord but then continue to live your life in exactly the same way as before, taking no notice of anything your “Lord” says. Perhaps you’re honestly considering your response to Jesus’ question, “Who do you say I am?” (Matthew 16:15) and you want to know something of the cost before you commit to him. Jesus does turn things upside down. He “answers our questions, but also questions our answers” (Rowan Williams). He takes us out of our “natural” responses of self-preservation, anger, selfishness and fear and enables us to live life to the full (John 10:10).  Following him can be a bit like riding a rollercoaster – exhilarating, scary, exciting, sometimes calm – but, despite the best efforts of some people to make Christianity tedious, the real Jesus is never boring – all you have to do is to accept his invitation to “Come” to find out.

Not needed but wanted

 I read a blog post today about how God doesn't need us. 

He doesn't need our help to fulfil his plans, in fact his work would unfold much more smoothly and efficiently without our efforts. Think of the times you've said or done things that are hurtful, destructive or just incompetent (or not said what you know you should have). Think of the times you haven't done (or tried and made a mess of) what you know God's prompting you towards; the loving deed, brave act, important task. Think of the times God's stepped in to work things out despite your contributions, but has a lot more healing to do because of them.

God doesn't need us to save the world, that's definitely something only Jesus could do, but God does want us to be part of his work in it.

We're like the small child who helps mummy or daddy and is convinced his/her contribution to washing the car or making the cake is vital, when mummy or daddy would complete the task faster and more smoothly without that help. 

Life isn't about tasks. Life is about relationships. Relationships with God and with each other.

From the beginning God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) was in joyful relationship and humans were created to share that joy.

Parents don't let small children get involved with tasks because their help is needed. They involve them for the joy of strengthening the relationship, getting to know each other better, teaching and seeing the child grow in skill and confidence. Not efficient but loving. 

Not needed but wanted. 

Holding the rope

 Often God brings to your attention the right things at the right time; it's one of his caring characteristics.

Recently I came across a quote from William Carey (the missionary to India) which is speaking to me clearly during my time in the UK. He was hearing God's call to overseas work and said to his friend, "I will go, if you will hold the rope." 

You can imagine the person at one end of the rope climbing a mountain, exploring a cave, swimming far out to sea or being lowered into a deep well. It's possible to do any of these things alone but far more likely to end in disaster. The person heading into the unknown may be taking the obvious risks, making the sacrifices, living dangerously or excitingly, but the ones holding the rope have also accepted a huge responsibility. Their lives have been altered too. They have committed to care and support the other. If they let go there will be consequences.

The analogy shouldn't be taken too far. When God calls he doesn't send you out alone or with only human company. He is always there to guide and support but he chooses to have us work together, learning and growing with others. There are many different, though equally important roles, people at both ends of the rope, both being obedient to the task the Lord has given them, neither taking the responsibility lightly.

Thank you to everyone who has kept hold of our rope in the close to ten years since we followed God's call overseas. Glory to him who ultimately has kept us attached.

Practical Christianity and Prison Ministry 4

 

There are many ways to get involved in prison ministry, not all of which require face to face contact with inmates. Correspondence can encourage and teach and isn’t dependent on proximity to a custodial centre. Support, both financial and prayer, is vital – prison ministry takes the battle into Satan’s stronghold, a place where many souls are enslaved, and he doesn’t want to relinquish them without a fight. Faithful pray-ers are essential.

However, it is a privilege to be able to go into the prisons and see the difference that hope can make in the lives of those who feel they’ve been abandoned by God and society, all the time remembering Jesus’ instructions to be “as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves” (Matt. 10:16). We approach everyone with the conviction that Jesus can change the hardest heart and reform the most corrupted life but we know that we live in a fallen world and not everyone (particularly in prison) has innocent motives. It’s a long journey from conversion to perfection and old habits can be hard to discard. We aim to bring the truth and cut through lies, searing through self-deception, giving the inmates an alternative to the falsehoods they’ve built their lives upon.

One of the most effective ways of accomplishing this happens during a Restorative Justice course. In my experience with South Africa’s Hope Prison Ministry (www.hopeprisonministry.org; www.facebook.com/hopeprisonministry) I have seen eyes opened and lives changed as inmates are confronted with themselves and their victims. This is an example of how prison ministry can change lives without preaching. We must be creative and courageous.

At first sight, the requirements of a Restorative Justice course seem mountainous. Twenty-four inmates need to be selected and organised to attend sessions for six hours a day, Monday to Saturday, with all the concomitant arrangements for warders, security and bureaucracy. Six volunteer facilitators (one for each table of four inmates) with ideally six assistants are needed, a main session leader and people to organise and bring in lunch from the outside, as an important part of the course is sharing a non-prison food meal at the table. The potential for complications and frustration is immense but with God everything is possible. Exceptions are made to prison rules, minor miracles occur, the paperwork comes through and on the Monday morning twenty-four men are sitting four to a table with their facilitators, wondering what on earth they’ve let themselves in for.

Restorative Justice is a voluntary process. It has to be, just as Jesus doesn’t force himself upon anyone but stands at the door and knocks, waiting for us to open it to him. Motives are mixed for attending. Some participants truly want to change their lives, others see it as a way to get through the parole board hearing, some think it’ll be an easy place to pass around contraband or gang-related communications but, whatever reason brings them initially, no one leaves unaffected.

The first softening comes when inmates who are used so often to being looked on as dirt, find that they are treated with respect as fellow humans: a small thing but powerful. They discover that the table they’ll sit at for the rest of the week is a place of safety where they can realise and share things they’ve never thought of before. The rules are strict: what’s said at the table stays at the table, show respect, and that includes showing enough respect not to lie. If a man isn’t ready to discuss a subject then he should say so, rather than make something up. If you treat someone as a prisoner or delinquent the chances are that’s how he’ll behave. Treat him with respect as someone who is capable of rising to the occasion and he’ll probably try to live up to expectations. Of course this leaves one open to betrayal and disappointment but if no one is given a chance then how will change ever occur?

God is love and Jesus the embodiment of that love, but genuine love does not shy away from hard questions. It’s easy to plaster over the cracks, to hide the wounds under a bandage without first cleaning them out but then the wounds fester and when they break open again the effect is many times worse. Facing up to yourself is an uncomfortable process and we can thank God for his mercy in not revealing all our deficiencies to us at once. The first day of Restorative Justice focuses on the men, helping them to realise that people who’ve been hurt often hurt others in their turn. For some it’s a revelation. In South Africa the legacy of the evil of apartheid is still very strong. An old man who’d been in prison for about fifty years, realised for the first time that his hatred of whites started when he came home from school one day to find that his family had been forcibly removed from their farm: he’d never before made the connection. Another man (sentenced for rape) witnessed the murder of his father by two gangsters when he was six years old. They saw the little boy watching and called over their girlfriends to help tie him up and throw him into the lake to drown. He managed to swim to safety but during Restorative Justice he realised that he’d been taking revenge on women ever since. Those women who’d tried to drown him were mothers and should have been protecting him. They didn’t, and in his mind the seeds of hatred and crime were sown.

There are very few actual psychopaths. Not many children are born with an inability to feel emotion or connect with others. Not many five year olds have a desire to grow up to commit crimes and end up in prison. Something happens. Someone happens. Bad choices are made. Sheep without a shepherd don’t know which way to go (Matt. 9:36). This does not excuse criminal acts, nor nullify their devastating effects. We all need to take honest responsibility for our deeds but sometimes seeing where it all began can be a help in avoiding continually going down the same path.

Day two focuses on victims. Restorative Justice isn’t designed to make inmates feel better about themselves by sticking a plaster on an uncleaned wound. It’s about facing up to what they did, taking responsibility, washing out the dirt. A universal human characteristic since the Fall is putting ourselves at the centre of the universe. To a greater or lesser extent we learn from childhood that the world doesn’t revolve around us but the tendencies towards self-centred selfishness are always below the surface. To many criminals, thinking about others doesn’t come easily. What they want is more important and they don’t often stop to think about the effect their actions have on other people. Restorative Justice forces them to do that with victim testimonies, crime scene photos and an explanation of the ripple effect of crime. Many see themselves as the victim, especially as they’re not happy at being incarcerated, but when the ripples affecting the real victims are made clear and include family, friends, neighbours, emergency services, families of traumatised emergency workers, all the way out to tax-payers, cracks in the self-centred shell start to appear. “My eyes have been opened,” said one participant whose community didn’t condemn his criminal activity as long as it didn’t happen in their area. “I never thought of this before. I didn’t realise I hurt so many people.”

By this stage a relationship of trust has started to grow between men and ministry volunteers. When people who have been sitting and caring stand up to share their experiences of crime, whether that’s rape or burglary, the impact is strong. Jesus sees us as individually loved people. It’s easier to gloss over harm committed against someone labelled as from a different culture, “asking for it” or being “disrespectful”; it’s much harder if that person has a face and a name and can relate the details of the offence as if it happened yesterday. One of the most powerful times of the week is after a rape victim has given her testimony. Many men are incarcerated for rape but hardly spare a thought for the effect it has on their victim. “She’ll get over it,” is a common attitude. Hearing from someone they’re growing to respect about how her life was affected makes them face up to reality. Many will admit that they pleaded not guilty at their rape trial but know that they did it and now want to confess and apologise.

Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. (Romans 12:2)

Thinking patterns, errors and attitudes can be set at an early age, particularly when they conform to the expectations of the world. Followers of Jesus, whose own minds are being transformed by God, need to challenge worldly behaviour and customs. The rest of the Restorative Justice week deals with this, helping the men recognise the thinking errors they fall into, the ways they deceive themselves, the masks they hide behind. A changed life needs to be built on new foundations - honesty, integrity, respect, trust – all of which are required to bring about restoration of life and relationships. We each need to take responsibility for the mess we make, whether we’re incarcerated or not, and do what we can to clean it up.

The Saturday is restoration in action. Each man is given the opportunity to invite a couple of family members. These family members are given the chance to ask any question, anything they want to know that they’ve never felt able to ask in the past, and the men are prepared to answer honestly, no more lies. Many people don’t know if the man actually committed the crime he was sentenced for. The visitors of one man who’d been sentenced for rape and had been in prison for eighteen years, confronted him on the Saturday. “You were in and out of my house,” the husband said. “I treated you like a brother. Now I have young daughters of my own. I don’t know if I can trust you; I don’t want you to come near them. You pleaded not guilty but did you commit the crime?”

The man and his wife had been visiting the prison for the inmate’s whole sentence. Every time they’d wanted to ask if he was guilty; every time they’d returned home not having had the courage to ask.

“Yes, I committed the crime.”

The visitor’s wife stepped forward. “Now you have been honest. You are welcome in my home. On the day of your release there will be a party waiting for you at our house.”

This is what prison ministry can do, without preaching. Jesus is the foundation; he is the only true hope for a changed life and the restoration of our relationships with God and others, in public and in private. He prepares the way, but he invites his followers to meet with him in all spheres of life, from government to prison.

There are many opportunities to show Jesus’ love to inmates. A Christian sacrificing time and effort to teach literacy or life-skills. Turning up regularly and transferring a skill that could help find an honest job on the outside. Holiness doesn’t have to be impractical or theoretical. Jesus was a carpenter. It’s possible that he never talked about God as he worked but it’s hardly likely. Christians in business can show how it’s possible to succeed in a way that honours God and doesn’t cut corners.

Prison ministry doesn’t end on the day a man’s released. Many of those who genuinely desire to leave their lives of crime are drawn back into criminality and gaol due to lack of support on the outside. Churches need to look beyond a man’s past and help him become what God knows he can be. Too often the door is shut and bolted instead. We’re back to “shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves” – give a man a chance but don’t take stupid risks. Live in the abundance and abandonment of Jesus’ love, seasoned with the discernment of the Holy Spirit.

Every prisoner whose life is changed by God’s forgiveness is one who will break the cycle of crime through the generations. Think of the difference in communities if youth didn’t join gangs to find the love their own family denied; if people trusted God to provide instead of stealing what they wanted; if Jesus’ followers reached out to and discipled the lost. It could take many years to make a change but it has to start somewhere.

Practical Christianity is about bringing Jesus and healing into lives that have wrecked communities in the past and have the potential to continue doing so in the future. It’s about binding up the wounded and comforting the broken-hearted. It’s learning how to worship from those who truly know what it means to be forgiven much. It’s pointing the way towards the One who can set the captives free, even if they’ll still be behind physical bars for the twenty years left on their sentence.

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